Phyllis Diller quotes

If your children write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit down.
Phyllis Diller

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm
not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
Phyllis Diller

Health is what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
Phyllis Diller

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football
helmet.
Phyllis Diller

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It
was the first time they'd ever given blood.
Phyllis Diller