Homer Simpson quotes page 1

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Homer Simpson

Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Homer Simpson

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's
holding a gun.
Homer Simpson

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really
half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer Simpson

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten
minutes.
Homer Simpson

There's so much I don't know about astrophysics! I wish I read that book by that wheelchair
guy.
Homer Simpson

I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.
Homer Simpson

Always give in to peer pressure.
Homer Simpson

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be
determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Homer Simpson

If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.
Homer Simpson

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
Homer Simpson

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in
eight hours of TV a day.
Homer Simpson

Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
Homer Simpson

What religion am I? I'm the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life,
uh, Christianity.
Homer Simpson

Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
Homer Simpson

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's
bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That
alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
Homer Simpson

Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.
Homer Simpson

- Homer, are you coming with us to the book fair?
- If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it's not a fair.
Marge and Homer Simpson

- This deep-fat fryer can flash-fry a buffalo in under 40 seconds.
- 40 seconds? But I want it now!
Homer Simpson

In High School, I was voted the person most likely to be a mental patient, hillbilly or
chimpanzee.
Homer Simpson

- Our benefit show is being held in aid of a very good cause.
- A rest home for pirates?
Homer Simpson

Look! I'm using the original notches that came with my belt!
Homer Simpson

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
Homer Simpson

- Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
- Yeah, pretty much. Ecept we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
Marge and Homer Simpson

- Yeah, sure, for you, a baby's all fun and games. For me, it's diaper changes and midnight
feelings.
- Doesn't Mom do all that stuff?
- Yeah, but I have to hear about it.
Lisa and Homer Simpson

Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep - in a giant blender.
Homer Simpson

- You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize.
- Fun, too.
Marge and Homer Simpson

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