Andy Rooney quotes page 1

1919-2011, American television and radio writer

The biggest seller is cook books and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've
just learned how to cook.
Andy Rooney

Being liked is nice, but it's not my intent.
Andy Rooney

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while
you're climbing it.
Andy Rooney

I believe that if all the truth in the world was known the world would be a better place.
Andy Rooney

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney

I don't like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too
much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Andy Rooney

Vegetarian – that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
Andy Rooney

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect
in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this
disease, often referred to as "progress", doesn't spread.
Andy Rooney

Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. Although, if you do see me in a
restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.
Andy Rooney

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to
do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Andy Rooney

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have
thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Andy Rooney

We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Andy Rooney

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any
religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
Andy Rooney

It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting
old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Andy Rooney

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Andy Rooney

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Andy Rooney

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine?
"Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the
day is share the love. Beep." "Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your
test is back. Stop sharing the love."
Andy Rooney

There are idiots who will buy anything as long as it costs enough.
Andy Rooney

We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any
harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to
come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
Andy Rooney

In spite of the old sayings to the contrary, the best presents come in large packages.
Andy Rooney

Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
Andy Rooney

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't
surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I
mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Andy Rooney

Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been... All this time I've been paid to say
what is on my mind on television. You don't get any luckier in life than that.
Andy Rooney

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the
first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Andy Rooney

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